I spell things right when I'm angry

To say I was angry would be an understatement. Upset doesn't even come close. More like infuriated and heartbroken. It always happens though and to be honest I don't really have anyone else to blame but myself. I get my hopes up. I keep thinking that maybe this new found 'creature' that B has become will shrivel up and some decent, loving, self-less person will come back and take his place. However, I don't think this will ever happen. EVER!!! No matter how many times I think that maybe he'll change, think that maybe this time he'll step up and do what I want him to do.

My sons first birthday is just a hop skip and a jump away and I've already started thinking about when I'll have it and stuff like that. The thing is that B and his wife like to go out on the boat and take magical adventures during the summer (which is fantastic). That's fine. I half expected that they may not be here at the end of August. But I had to plead my case and tell them just how important it was that they were here for his birthday. Let me diverge here and explain a few quick things first. 1) I know 1st birthday parties are more for the parents than they are for the child, but you would think that grandparents would want to be there and 2) B and I have already discussed this once earlier in the week and he told me that he didn't really want to be there because he didn't really like the people that were going to be there...*insert angry face here!!!!* Oh and 3) I have said all along that if B doesn't come to the gaffer's birthday that I will disown him.

So at dinner tonight I had to try once more to let him know that it really meant a lot to me that they were there and I basically got the answer that I should have know was coming which was more or less a 'no' and that they'd rather do a family dinner thing afterwards or some dumb bullshit like that. It was at that point in the evening that I changed the subject and stopped talking to B. I was so pissed off and hurt. No wait. I AM so pissed off and hurt. You would think that despite the fact that a particular event may not be your cup of tea or perhaps there are people there you may not want to see that you would SUCK IT UP and go anyways because you love the people and know how important it is to them. But no. Not B. The problem is that he has changed and it was when he and the other B split up and he's decided that it's more important to do what he feels is best for him and to hell with everybody else.

Anyways, I'm just feeling really disappointed and let down. That's usually how I'm left feeling after visits with him. It's been the same thing my entire life. I guess I shouldn't expect that a man who has always let me down would change now. I think I was just hoping that maybe he would try a little harder for the little gaffer.

He sucks!!!

Happy fucking father's day!!!