Fruit Salad??

Apples and Oranges - Painted with Oil

I've been thinking. Usually posts that start like this mean trouble and perhaps this one is headed that way. But I have been thinking about that phrase "thrown under the bus". Do you know that one?? You hear it all over the place and it's rather fitting because someone is screwing you over and pushing you under the bus and that's it, you're f^&#%^#!!!! I hate this. It sucks.

Recently I have been thrown under the bus and as I mentioned, I have been thinking about this and how it all went down has me a little troubled. The problem is that initially, 'Orange' was on the same road I was on - doing (saying) that EXACT same things as I was!!! We'd both joke about things at 'Apple's expense, both agreed that certain things that she was doing were a little strange, you know, things like that. Doesn't make it right, but we were BOTH guilty. (Just want to note that while Orange and I were saying the same things, I went above and beyond and wrote about things that I shouldn't have which is ultimately why Apple and I are no longer friends). But out of nowhere, Orange threw me under the bus and decided to tell Apple everything I was saying. So what I want to know is, why is it that I've been run over and Orange is still riding the bus??? I don't know why I didn't say something earlier to Apple about this, because Orange was also talking smack behind her back. Maybe I thought I was being loyal or something like that. But why am I protecting someone who threw me under the bus???

So Apple if you're reading this, Orange is just as guilty. Just thought you should know.
And Orange, sorry to throw you under the bus.

Gifts

I received a wonderful surprise in the mail on Friday. A very dear friend sent me not only a beautiful anniversary card but a very cool bracelet that I absolutely love!!! I have always wanted something like this and now I have one!!!

The best thing about this bracelet though, aside from the awesome friend that gave it to me, is all the wonderful things it has written around it. These are just the kinds of things I need in my life, words and sayings that will help me focus on the positive and try not to dwell on the negative. Something that is easier said than done at times, but something that I really need to make an effort to strive towards. So this bracelet is just perfect for that. All I have to do is look down and instantly I feel uplifted; stronger; more at peace. It's just the kind of thing I need to slow down and pay attention.

Anyways, I just love it so much I wanted to share it with you. Here is the list of words/sayings along it. I hope at least one, if not more, of them have some positive impact on you.

Plant Peace. Live in unity. FREEDOM. Make a difference. Speak kindness. pave the path. LEAD THE WAY. humanity. give back. seek wisdom. COME TOGETHER. Truth. FORGIVE. believe. faith. SOW LOVE. humanity. Make a difference.

June 25th 2010

Well yesterday was our anniversary and we had such a great day!!! We went over to town and grabbed some lunch and headed to the beach. The plan had been to go to Miracle Beach but on the way there we remembered that a couple hundred children had the potential to be there for 'Beach Day', so we went to Williams beach instead. We ate our lunch and then went and played on the beach.

Here is the little gaffer playing in the water

He loved it!!!! And was splashing around like crazy!!!

He thought the sand was kinda neat, although I don't think he was too impressed with the way it stuck to him and wouldn't just come off, lol.

Father and Son

Some cows with a REALLY nice view!!!!

Happy guy playing on the swings at the park - can you see his chompers???

Riding a seahorse

On the ferry going home after a fun-filled day!!!!

Love and Happiness

It's hard to believe that my husband and I got married 5 years ago tomorrow. Funny how it seems like way longer but yet 5 years feels like a great accomplishment all at the same time. Maybe it feels longer for the fact that we have been together for over 11 years now. That and the fact that some many relationships don't even make it to the 5 year mark or people are divorcing by this point. But 5 years ago, here we were on this very island getting ready to walk down the isle the next day.

*Sigh*

I loved our wedding. There are things that I might have changed, but I loved it because it was us. It was simple and relaxed. One of the best things and perhaps my favorite was the music. My bridesmaids walked down to 'Over the Rainbow' by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole' and I walked down to Bob Marley's 'Is this Love'. It was awesome.

Here are a few pictures from the day.

I'm not entirely sure what the plan is for tomorrow. Normally we go camping for our anniversary but since we have the baby now, I wasn't really sure if we should go or not. Well now I'm wishing that we had, but oh well. We'll get to that eventually!!! I was thinking it might be nice to go swimming and then go to the beach for a picnic. A walk at the spit might be nice too. I think Grandma will come over tomorrow night so that we can go out for a night on the town just the two of us. It should be nice.

Hope you have a good day and if you have a chance, you have a listen to some Bob or even some Israel.

Enjoy!!!

De-clutterbug

I managed to get rid of some of the clutter in my house today. It wasn't a huge amount of stuff, but all of the baby clothes that I'm not keeping are now out of my house!!! Yay!!! It's so nice not to have the couple of boxes and plastic bags worth of stuff just laying around the house. And as an added bonus, I was able to give it away to a couple of worthy causes in town where parents won't have to pay for it.

Now if only the rest of the clutter in my house was as easy to get rid of... :S

I spell things right when I'm angry

To say I was angry would be an understatement. Upset doesn't even come close. More like infuriated and heartbroken. It always happens though and to be honest I don't really have anyone else to blame but myself. I get my hopes up. I keep thinking that maybe this new found 'creature' that B has become will shrivel up and some decent, loving, self-less person will come back and take his place. However, I don't think this will ever happen. EVER!!! No matter how many times I think that maybe he'll change, think that maybe this time he'll step up and do what I want him to do.

My sons first birthday is just a hop skip and a jump away and I've already started thinking about when I'll have it and stuff like that. The thing is that B and his wife like to go out on the boat and take magical adventures during the summer (which is fantastic). That's fine. I half expected that they may not be here at the end of August. But I had to plead my case and tell them just how important it was that they were here for his birthday. Let me diverge here and explain a few quick things first. 1) I know 1st birthday parties are more for the parents than they are for the child, but you would think that grandparents would want to be there and 2) B and I have already discussed this once earlier in the week and he told me that he didn't really want to be there because he didn't really like the people that were going to be there...*insert angry face here!!!!* Oh and 3) I have said all along that if B doesn't come to the gaffer's birthday that I will disown him.

So at dinner tonight I had to try once more to let him know that it really meant a lot to me that they were there and I basically got the answer that I should have know was coming which was more or less a 'no' and that they'd rather do a family dinner thing afterwards or some dumb bullshit like that. It was at that point in the evening that I changed the subject and stopped talking to B. I was so pissed off and hurt. No wait. I AM so pissed off and hurt. You would think that despite the fact that a particular event may not be your cup of tea or perhaps there are people there you may not want to see that you would SUCK IT UP and go anyways because you love the people and know how important it is to them. But no. Not B. The problem is that he has changed and it was when he and the other B split up and he's decided that it's more important to do what he feels is best for him and to hell with everybody else.

Anyways, I'm just feeling really disappointed and let down. That's usually how I'm left feeling after visits with him. It's been the same thing my entire life. I guess I shouldn't expect that a man who has always let me down would change now. I think I was just hoping that maybe he would try a little harder for the little gaffer.

He sucks!!!

Happy fucking father's day!!!

Distinguished little gentleman :)

I am so happy!!!! I'm also slightly annoyed, but for the most part I am incredibly happy!!! Today we FINALLY got Spencer a pair of glasses. This is the part I'm happy about. The part that has me annoyed is that we were there over 2 weeks ago and could have ordered the same ones then, but for some reason we had to wait because they wanted to order some special ones in for us. So we waited, and waited and they came in. Well they were WAY too small and ugly and very babyish. Now I know what you're thinking, my son is a baby. But these were pretty much hideous. It's just frustrating that we could have possibly picked up his glasses today and had him wearing them instead of just ordering them. Oh well, such is life I guess!!! I am just so happy that we got them and hopefully 2 weeks from now we'll have them so that he can actually start wearing them.

Then the real challenge begins - keeping these glasses on him. Should be interesting!!!

I have been thinking about choices and life. Some of us are single, some married. Some of us have kids and some don't. Some may be single with kids or even married with pets. I think you get the idea. We all have our own lives that we have made for ourselves based on our choices along the way. Some things may not have been what we'd initially planned for - pregnancy, job loss, death, financial trouble, separation and breakups. But sometimes we don't always plan for the positive things as well - a new job, marriage, pregnancy, relocation, etc. We are all on our own journeys. Some of us may have had similar experiences or they may be completely different.

Now, what has been on my mind is how we treat other people who may not be in the same place we're in or experienced the same things we have. My example is two friends - both of which are married, but one has a child and the other one doesn't have one quite yet (she's been working on it) but has a lot of experience working with children having been a nanny. So friend 'A', who has the child, and friend 'B' were talking and something came up about parenting and friend 'A' says to 'B', "well, what do you know, you're not a mother!!!". I would have been so pissed off if someone had of said this to me. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you know everything about parenting and just because you haven't had one, it doesn't mean that you don't know anything. I think what made this comment from 'A' to be so much worse is the fact that 'B' has been trying to have a successful pregnancy and unfortunately has had two miscarriages and that comment would have just been a huge slap in the face. Regardless, whether 'B' wanted kids or not, I don't think it's ever OK to be treated like that.

I guess the point is just to realize that while we may not all be in the same boat it doesn't mean that we are completely oblivious to what the other people from the other boats may be experiencing. Maybe this doesn't even make sense.

Just don't make assumptions.

Period.

So I'm watching a Baby Story while I putter around the house, trying to get some things accomplished while the baby sleeps and my heart just melts and then somehow manages to burst into a million little pieces, and I'm left with that happy warm fuzzy feeling. It takes me back to when my little guy was born and while I don't remember every single moment and the whole experience feels like a dream, I will never forget that amazing feeling when I heard him cry for the first time and they told me it was a boy. Without a doubt, the most incredible moment of my life!!! Watching this sure makes me want to have another one some day...I'll keep you posted on that one though ;)

In the garden today...

It was a beautiful day again today and I found myself out out in the yard again. These were just some of the things that I found in my garden today...

Snap Dragons - these are the wild ones that are EVERYWHERE in my garden!!! I just love them though, they are so funky and actually look like little mini dragons - too cute!!!!

Lupines - these are one of my favorite flowers from my childhood because I always used to think that they smelt like pepper. They don't really, but do have a spicy kind of scent to them.

A friendly butterfly that I followed all over the yard trying to take it's picture. I'm glad that it wasn't too camera shy ;)

Some friends over on the island who happened to stop by for a visit after their afternoon hike...

And perhaps the most important

and

wonderfully amazing thing

that I found in my garden today...

my little gaffer!!!!

I made it, I'm in it - now what??

You know that saying, "you've made your bed, now lie in it"? Well my bed is not nearly as nice as this one!!!! It's bumpy and uncomfortable and it sags in the middle so you feel like you're constantly dragging yourself out of a bottomless pit. The covers are non-existent, so I'm cold and I have no support from my 'pillow'. But as horrible as this bed of mine may be, it's my bed. I made it, and now I am laying in it.

I'm curious though...what happens next???

When a husband is in the doghouse, is there a set amount of time that he's supposed to stay there?? Same goes with this whole bed business - how long must I endure this?? Technically it is my own doing and I realize that. But I don't want to be in this bed anymore. What I would really like to re-make this one. Make it so that it is not so bumpy. Make it comfortable. Warm. Supportive.

So after you've screwed up, come to peace with what you've done and said your apologies, I guess there's nothing else you can really do but just suck it up and lay in the bed you've made.

I am SO excited!!!!!

Last week I found out about this fabulous company called All Decked Out and they recycle old skateboards and give them new life and I just thought the concept of that was too cool. I found myself wanting to buy everything and finally decided on a really funky pair of earrings. Well those earrings came in the mail today and let me tell you, they are awesome and I just love them!!!!

These are them - aren't they fun??? I love how they're red on the back!!!!!

So please go and check out this amazing company, they make some really cool stuff!!!!

What a life!!!!

The boy is sleeping and the house is quiet. It's so nice to have some time to myself to relax.

There are two kitties sleeping on the couch and one on our bed. It must be so nice to have such a relaxing and easy-going life - eat, sleep, play. There's no need to worry about work, bills to pay, dishes to wash, lawn to mow, or toilet to scrub.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a day where all you need to do is cuddle and sleep, get up to eat, then go back to sleep again, maybe chase a ball or toy around, then have something to eat or drink and go back to sleep again??

Cats have it pretty easy!!!!

Monday Rant

So I live on this fabulous little island and I love it to pieces but I don't love all the un-fabulous things some of the stupid people on this island do!!! I'm all for people taking their dogs with them where they go or leaving them outside the store (tied up) while they do their running around inside.* However, when you just let your dog run wild around the parking lot while you're at the gym, that is a little crazy!! There is this stupid lady that is always down at the store either at the gym or doing her shopping and she just lets her black poodle run around while she's doing whatever it is that she's doing. So here are people coming and going, trying to park or trying to leave, while this dog is running around all over the place. WTF??!?!?!??!?! It is such a pain in the ass. I just find it really annoying when I'm trying to leave and having to worry about backing over some stupid dog that shouldn't even be there in the first place!!! She also lets her dog out running around on the ferry sometimes too, which is beyond me!!! Go ahead, bring your dog, but don't get mad at the person who runs her over, because ultimately it will be all on you!!!

*The only exception to this is of course on hot days. I would rather have your dog run around like a crazy beast than be cooped up in the car on a hot day. That being said, I think people need to be more 'pet' smart. Maybe there should be exams and practical experience that people should be forced to go through before owning animals. Similar to driving a car, you need to pass the written test and then the driving test before getting behind the wheel, you should need to do the same before having a pet, and kids too for that matter. ;)

Sunday is the day of complaining!!!!

I am struggling today. And stressing. And wishing more than anything that money grew on trees and that I only had to go back to work if I wanted to or when I wanted to!!!

It is June 6th today and I have a month to try and get my son to like the bottle or enjoy taking formula from a sippy cup and so far I haven't had any luck with either!!! It is so frustrating because when he was 5 weeks old I started giving him breast milk in a bottle so that he would get used to the idea and he took to it like nothing!! I stopped giving him the bottle 3 months later because I was having difficulty pumping and at that point, it wasn't worth the stress and the hassle to keep pumping just so that I could give him a bottle. What I SHOULD have done was kept up with giving him a bottle once a day with formula in it so that when it came time to go back to work, there would be no problems.

Little Gaffer - 7 weeks old with no trouble taking the bottle

Well I am having problems now and it sucks!!! He completely freaks out when the bottle comes anywhere near him and he takes a drink from the sippy cup and then won't touch it again. So what am I supposed to do now??? I know what I would like to do. I would like to just be able to stay at home with him and not have to worry about getting him to take formula. I want to just be able to breastfeed him for as long as he'd like to and then transition over to homo milk after his first birthday. I wish that I could just stay at home and not have to worry about money or childcare or any of the other hassles that have been plaguing me with stress and worry.

Drinking from his sippy cup - no problems with that, unless of course you put formula in it :S


It just sucks because I don't know anything about being a 'working mom'. I grew up with my Mom being at home - being there before I left and being there when I got home (usually with lots of yummy homemade goodies). This is what I know and what I am used to. I honestly can't even remember any of my friend's having mom's that didn't stay at home. Sure maybe they did some work once we were in school, but for the most part our moms were at home where, in my opinion, they are needed. Nowadays it seems like most, if not all, of my friends are having to go back to work and find some other alternative for their babies. It's one thing if that's something you want to do or are looking forward to doing because there is nothing wrong with being a career woman and still having a family and raising kids. But that is not me. I have never been a career woman so why would I want to start now that I have a baby??

It's frustrating!!!! I'm frustrated!!!!

But at least I still have some time and my return to work date isn't really set in store. So I will just keep on trying and hopefully he'll take the formula. Unless of course I find one of those sought after money trees ;)

On the fence

When my son was born, he had a noticeable droop on the right side of his mouth. Our health providers weren't exactly sure why this was so we went to Children's Hospital to meet with a neurologist to see if she could tell us what was going on. Turned out that he was missing a muscle on the left side of his face, called Aplasia of the Orbicularis Oris, which caused the right side to pull (you noticed it the most when his mouth was open or when he was crying). Pierce Brosnan apparently has the same thing and numerous women around the world think he's pretty dashing, so that was fine by me :) Just as long as it wouldn't affect his speech or his eating or anything like that. But he also had a couple of other things going on that were a little 'off' - like this funny c-shaped curve he would do while lying on his back; a funky left arm that wasn't doing all the same things as the right, yet in some ways can do the fine motor skills better than the right; and overall it seemed like there was a general left sided weakness going on; and then recently we found out that he needs glasses and surprise surprise, the issue is mainly in his left eye. At one point I was curious if maybe he'd suffered a stroke when he was little and that was why things were so wonky. So now we have the opportunity to go back and see the specialist at Children's again and I've been debating over whether we should go or not. The reason for this is the fact that overall, my little guy is healthy and happy and isn't really 'sick'. Now I know it's not just a place for the sick sick kids because Children's houses some amazing specialists, which is why we would be going. But I can't help but think that our reasons for going seem silly and minimal compared to some of the other kids/babies that are there. Many of those other babies have real problems and part of me feels silly going. Yet the other part of me knows that I have just as much reason to be there as the rest because I too want some answers, to know if by some chance all of this is related. We saw the optometrist yesterday and mentioned that we had an appointment and would it be worthwhile to go and she thought yes, but I don't know. I just don't know if anything will really come from it. We've already got the plan for the eyes in motion and his mouth is getting better and as he grows and develops the left side is getting stronger, so do we really need to go???

New month, new me!!!

June is here!!!! Now what I want to know is, how is it June already??? My last recollections are of April and here we are at June!! I just can't believe how fast the time has gone!!! But the way I figure it, it's time for change. New month, new me!!!! It's time I got myself in gear and get moving!! This means no more lazy days of just playing inside when the weather is 'less than perfect', but rather getting out and going for that walk rain or shine (because if this BC weather keeps up, it will be August by the time we see any sun!!!). So along with my getting out more, I need to break the old routine and actually do stuff!!! Go visit with friends, explore, try new things, get away from the old and embrace the new!! And of course this also means a change for the 'inner' me as well!!! I haven't really liked myself all that much. So it's time for change - new month, new me ;)