Lost and Found

Well it's official - I have lost my motivation. I've noticed that it has been MIA for a little while now, but I was waiting patiently hoping that it would miraculously return on its own. Guess what?? It hasn't and I'm struggling with that fact that I can't seem to find it.

A few years ago I lost some weight - 40 lbs and I felt great and looked better than I had in years. It was actually quite easy. Part of this was due to the fact that I had everything at my fingertips - a pool and gym near by, a fantastic weight watchers leader/meeting, and some amazing friends to bounce ideas off of and to work out with. I had all the time in the world to work on me. Then I went back to school and slowly the weight began to creep back on again. It was so frustrating.


Now I just can't seem to find the time for me. I know if I really wanted to bad enough (which I do) I could make the time. But without my friend motivation to help me out, I am feeling stuck. Paralyzed even. And it is so hard. I hate the way I look and the way I feel and I feel like my weight stands in my way in so many areas. I was actually talking to a friend on the phone and her and her son were heading out to go to the gym and I felt so jealous of the fact that I wasn't about to head out the door to go to the gym. I wish I had the ability to do that. Yes, there is a gym on the island, and yes I could go and find someone to watch my son or maybe there's even child minding there and I could take him with me. But that just seems like so much effort and financially, just isn't in the cards right now. Maybe the reason I can't find my motivation is because my laziness has taken it hostage. All I know is that I need to get my butt in gear and do something.

But, come to think of it, there is a beautiful little boy sleeping in the other room...and I think he might just be all the motivation I need :)