Have you seen this girl???

MISSING!!!!!
Have you seen this girl??

I was looking through some old photos today and came across this picture of me. This was the spring of 2000 and my how things have changed since then. Look at my hair and my green purse, oh how I loved that purse. I called it Oscar, lol. Not very original I know, but I had a name for everything back then. And the pin said "porn star", which I was far from being. And my lip ring *sigh*. I loved that piercing so much. I still remember when I got it, it was August of '98 down in Courtenay at Salon Bridges.

But I miss this girl. I miss looking so young and healthy. I miss being so 'skinny'. Ha ha. I know I'm not skinny in this picture, but all I've done since is gain weight and it sucks!!! So to me, I'm skinny in this picture and funky too!!! Look at all my trinkets!!!

So this picture gives me something to strive towards. I know I will never be that 'young' again or perhaps even that 'free', but I could totally be that weight again and I would LOVE to. A good friend of mine sent me a book that I'm just starting to read and I think it has some really good, wholesome ideas in it to help me out. It's about getting fit and in order to be fit and healthier on the outside, you have to be fit from within - so working on the inside first. And that's just what I'm going to do. I've lost weight before and I was so close to reaching the first big milestone but it didn't happen and I gained it all back plus some. Now that I've had a baby, it's not any better and in fact is worse to some extent because I had a c-section that left things a little wonky.

I'm really glad that I found this picture because it is going to give me some motivation to find me again.

Just one of 'those' days!!!

So the little gaffer and I went over to town today to go see the eye Dr and apparently my little 8 month old baby needs glasses!!! I was really upset when it I found out, mainly because I was totally caught off guard and had no idea that this was even a possibility. I'm feeling better about it now, but my heart breaks at the fact that he probably can't see out of his left eye!! He has something similar to Amblyopia, or Lazy Eye, but it hasn't really progressed to that point yet. Basically he's extremely farsighted and 'scored' a +7 in his left eye. Now I don't know much about eyes, but I know from what the Dr told me, that's quite high, especially since his right eye is pretty much normal for his age. Thank god we'd taken him for his check-up regularly and our family Dr checked his eyes out and noticed that something seemed a little "off". What if we hadn't though? Then what? Apparently there's no signs or symptoms of his extreme farsightedness except for his eyes crossing or become lazy - and then what?
Basically this is not the end of the world, but it just sucks and I feel bad for him. So now we'll be taking a trip to the Children's hospital to have one of their specialists take a look at him and try and figure out what's going on and what the best course of action is. I also found out tonight, or rather re-discovered, that my husband had some trouble with his eyes when he was younger too and he never had to wear glasses but instead just had to do these silly exercises (that aren't really silly at all because they helped and he has fabulous vision), so you never know, maybe everything will work out just fine. Fingers crossed!!!!

Rasta Rooter

It's hard to believe that it's been 3 years since our cat Rasta passed away. She was 2 days shy of her 5th birthday. When I was looking through the pictures, trying to find one of her to use for the blog, they triggered so many memories of her. Like how she used to dig in the flower pots and her paws and arms would be dirty, or how she loved to be in sinks, kitchen or bathroom it didn't matter which, and how small she was when she was a kitten. There's actually this picture of her and our other cat Daisy when they were both kittens and we were almost able to put them in either side of the pocket/pouch of a hoodie. And there's this other one of them as kittens in our pantry cupboard in the old apartment and they are just ridiculously cute. Seems like just yesterday that we went and picked them up from the SPCA and took them home. It was pretty funny actually. We moved to Nanaimo on the 29th of August and by the 31st we had cats, even though we had discussed about waiting awhile before getting them. We went to just "look" and went home with two kittens, haha :)

Anyways, I was just thinking about her and about how much she would have loved the house that we're in now. It has great windows for watching birds and a fenced off deck so that the kitties can go outside and watch us garden and a wood stove to snuggle beside when the weather gets cold. She would have loved it!!!

So this is dedicated to Rasta, our beautiful rooter that had to go too soon. You are missed.

Totally disgusting

While I was driving in town yesterday, I passed a man driving and from his window came a HUGE billow of smoke from the cigarette he was smoking. YUCK!!!!
Smoking grosses me out at the best of times, completely disgusted me while I was pregnant, and the thought of smoking while in such a tiny area is just revolting!!! I can't even imagine it and think how stinky you would be afterwards and how gross your car would smell too!! I was discussing with a friend the other day how nasty a hotel room is when someone has smoked in it, that stale, awful smell - yuck!! There's nothing worse than walking into a room only to discover that someone has smoked in it and now you have to spend the night with the stale stench. I suppose if you're a smoker, it may not bother you. But to someone who doesn't smoke, it makes me sick! And seeing that guy yesterday just nauseated me!! Why someone would smoke in their car is beyond me!!!! At least the guy had his whole window open. Sometimes you'll see people smoking in their car with all their windows rolled up, like they're hot boxing with tar smoke.
Anyways, that's my thought for the day - smoking is gross ;)

Rantings about an "eyebrow baby"

I have an "eyebrow baby". For those of you who don't know what that means, I will fill you in. On the Simpson's, Maggie and this other baby that has a uni brow, whom I refer to as the 'eyebrow baby', are like arch enemies and are always giving each other dirty looks and whatnot. You never really learn anything about this other baby with the uni brow, only that he and Maggie hate one another. So I have my own "eyebrow baby", although it's not really a baby and she doesn't have a uni brow. I think it's one sided, meaning that I am the one that has the problem, but you never know, it could go both ways. I'm definitely not without my flaws, that's for sure. One of the main reasons I have such a problem with this other person is because I'm insecure and have a green eyed monster that lives within me*. It's kinda hard to explain, but this person seems to be everywhere I am, talking to everyone I'm talking to, doing things that I want to do or maybe even wish I could do - stuff like that. It feels almost like I have nothing of my own. I will admit it, I'm petty and silly, and it probably sounds ridiculous, but it bugs me and makes me angry. It also doesn't help that she likes to hear herself talk, can be extremely condescending, and has the most bogus ideas when it comes to parenting. I know I'm walking a fine line in talking about another persons parenting skills, because I am far from being the perfect parent, nor will I ever claim to be, but some of the things she's done and even says are just nuts!!! I don't know about you, but when I'm out in public and my baby lets out an little squeal of delight, I don't pounce on him and get angry about it - they're babies, they're happy, what's the problem??? And I also don't go around giving my baby foods that they shouldn't be having, KNOW that they shouldn't be having it, but still do it anyways, AND encourage other moms to do it too just so that I won't be the only one!!!! Like, what the hell??? So in case you haven't noticed I have issues with this person, which is why I refer to her as my eyebrow baby. Part of my bitch stems from the fact that I saw her today and my feelings were hurt and what do we do when we're hurting or feeling insecure??? Pick on somebody else of course!!! Or at least that's what petty, ridiculous, insecure, jealous, silly people like me do.
But enough of my ranting and raving. What's done is done and in all honestly, the incident wasn't really all that bad. I'm just tired of feeling like a third wheel or being just an after-thought. It's depressing and makes me feel like crap.
Anyways, my brain has shut down now, so I think I should do the same with my computer for tonight.
Goodnight. Or good morning, or maybe even good afternoon, depending on what time it is when you read this.

*The green eyed monster will be explained more in a future post, I am too tired to go down that path tonight.

Overwhelming Love

My son will be 8 months old in a week and as I was feeding him to put him down for his nap, I couldn't help but stare at him with wonder and think about how amazing he is!!!
When we found out that I was pregnant, I was excited and I would envision what it would be like to have a baby, but nothing can prepare you for that moment when you hear the first cry - I'm actually having a hard time trying to find the words to describe it. But I would think about it, and I was like, "ya, it will be great", but it's so much more than that and I honestly didn't think I would love him/her as much as I do. I just never expected to feel this way, and I guess I never knew how instantly you fall in love with this beautiful little stranger and it's incredible how overwhelming and engulfing that love is. It reminds me of the Grinch when his heart grows at the end - your heart grows and expands and feels like there's no possible way that you have enough room in your chest but you do. It truly is an amazing feeling.
So I just thought I would share some of him with you - his first moments of life, meeting his parents for the first time, and just a few other of my favorite pictures of him. Unfortunately, they're not in the order I would like them to be in. But if you start at the bottom and work your way up, he grows and changes :) The first picture was actually taken this morning after I put him down for his nap. Enjoy!!!!

Drives me crazy

It's probably my own fault because I keep doing it, rather frequently actually, and you'd think I would have learned by now, but no, I haven't. Do you ever find yourself thinking about things right before bed or in the middle of the night after you've gotten up to pee or put the covers back over your baby? Maybe you're thinking about the things you need to add to the grocery list or the conclusion to that paper you've been working on, or maybe you're thinking about an email or letter or blog even that you're going to write. You get it all planned out or figured out in your head, maybe even go over it a few times just to make sure that you've got it down pat, have your plan of action all ready to go. Then because you're satisfied with what you've come up with, you happily go back to sleep only to wake up in the morning unable to remember ANY of it!!! GGGGRRRRRRR!!!! This drives me crazy!!! Yet, I always seem to find myself doing it...why is that? I've learned that I can't survive without lists, I make lists for everything - for camping, traveling, groceries, yet somehow think I can remember an entire paragraphs worth of information all on my own???? Ya, guess what?? IT never happens!!!
So I have a few options I suppose. I can either 1) stop doing this, 2) keep a notepad beside my bed so that I can write things down that I need to, or 3) just keep doing what I'm doing in hopes that one of these times I may actually remember everything.

Do I really have to??

Another day has come and gone and it's hard to believe that it's already April 19th. I mean, how did that happen?? Time is just flying by and I really don't want it to. You see, soon my maternity leave will be over and I will have to go back to work and I SO don't want to go back!! I love being at home with my baby, he is amazing and so much fun!! And it just doesn't seem right that I should have to go back. What would be fabulous is if the government would invest money in stay at home moms to raise their own children and do a great job instead of entrusting them to strangers to raise them. Then that way the parents, mainly moms, could be sure that the kids were brought up properly. And of course this only applies to those "good" parents, lol, because I'm sure there are a lot of kids out there that would be better off having the "strangers" bring them up than their own parents. But if moms that wanted to stay at home could with no financial worries, that would be so wonderful. It seems like we're always after what we can't have, the whole 'grass is greener on the other side' thing, but it's true. Back in the day, women wanted to be able to go to work and not be stuck in the home and now our society has changed so that most households rely on dual incomes which means that most women HAVE to go back to work. Such a pain in the ass!! So basically, we wanted to work and now it's turned around and we're bitching because we have to go to work - funny how things work out.

So ya, I just don't want to go back. I'm a nurse at the hospital and while I enjoy my job, after having my son, I don't really care to go and spend all day looking after other people when I can be at home looking after him. Wait, I take that back. It's not that I don't care about other people and helping them, I just want to be the one raising my son and not having to rely on other people to do it and if that means choosing between him and patients, well of course I'm going to choose him!!! But my job is pretty cool and I do get a lot of fullfilment from it and I'm sure everything will work out once I do go back, I'm just dreading it. And the other night I was reading something that said I should start planning for my return to work and it just put me in anxious panic mode. Thinking about it now is making me feel a little sick so I'm going to stop.

So for now I'm just going to enjoy my time with him and try not to think too much about having to back.

This is new...

Blogging has always been one of those foreign things to me, but yet everybody seems to do it! I myself have been needing an outlet, something to get my feelings, thoughts, and ideas out instead of bottling them up and allowing them to fester and rot - doesn't sound very pleasant, does it?? So I thought a blog might be a therapeutic way to not only help myself, but to also connect with others around me. So I guess I'll give it a try, see how it goes.